I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
