You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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