Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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