I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize