I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
