when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
