My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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