I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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