I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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