Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
