The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize