Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize