her vagina looked like bernie madoff
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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