Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
