you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he fucked my hip out of place.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
