apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
