after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
