I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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