It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
