Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
this hospital has no fireball
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
