just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
