My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
