Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
did you just send me my own nude
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
