the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
