I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
