watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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