If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
