I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
