this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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