normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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