Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
vagina is talking i cant
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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