her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
