it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
