Whatcha textin bout Willis?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
