Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
