The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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