I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
