apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
