So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
