hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
too bad you live with your parents still
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
