My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Farmville is her only friend.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
