my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
