he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
