I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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