After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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