I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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