Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
