I just threw up on my dentist
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
