just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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