Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
