well you can't waste a boner
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
