Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
