I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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