im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
me + whiskey = a bad person
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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