barbara walters just said penis...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
