I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
it glows. i had to have it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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