my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
