dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
