Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
