So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize