How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
not ubering you a puppy
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
