Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
