my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
