1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize