I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
