Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
