do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
