I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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