I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
