I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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