WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize