My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
