I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
