is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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