She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
