Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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