What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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