If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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