I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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