i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
