I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
