I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
