P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just want to make out with him forever
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
