.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
