idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
